Figuring out how to cope with a complicated family relationship is rarely straightforward. For many, the hardest part is knowing when to keep trying and when engagement starts to undermine their own well-being.

That question resurfaced this week after Brooklyn Beckham wrote on Instagram that he is no longer seeking reconciliation with his parents, Victoria and David Beckham, citing years of tension, includingdisputes over his 2022 wedding. Instead, he said he is focused on “peace, privacy, and happiness” for himself, his wife Nicola Pelz, and their future family.  

Situations like this are not unusual. Family estrangement and long-standing conflict affect millions of families, prompting many to seek help. Sophia Hammoudeh-Mekki, a psychologist in London, says it often depends on the personal cost of the relationship.

A recent YouGov poll found that four in ten adults find themselves in a difficult family dynamic. That translates into millions of households living with fractured relationships often triggered by betrayal, manipulation, and persistent criticism that has escalated out of control.

Reconnecting with yourself is key to fixing the relationship

While many turn to family therapy and couples therapy as a “magic fix”, Hammoudeh-Mekki says the first step starts with healing yourself. 

“You have to process that trauma for yourself first,” she said. “Once you understand yourself, your complexities, and your own issues, then maybe you can bring the other person in so you can both do your separate work and come together later to look at things differently.”

Hammoudeh-Mekki explains that introspection and self-reflection often create space for emotional regulation, allowing both parties to gain perspective outside the family system. Over time, that space can make healthier relationships possible.

How to reconcile with a family member 

Whether family relationships can be repaired often depends on timing and willingness. 

“Taking steps to rectify dynamics like that, both parties need to be willing to take that step. You can't push these things upon each other. You can't force somebody to talk,” she said, adding why it is so important to do your own work first. 

“If you both come into it without the tools that come from psychological and personal therapy, conversations can turn into fights,” she said. “But when you’ve done that work, you can say, ‘This is the part I played. This is why I reacted the way I did.’”

She emphasised that reconnection works best when it is intentional. 

“Arrange a time where you can both sit together and have a more mature focus, grounded conversation, where your tone of voice is quite calm, where you’re listening to the other person and their point of view,” she said.

While complicated family dynamics can feel overwhelming, approaching them with openness can create room for change.

“There is support, and there is hope,”  Hammoudeh-Mekki said, “things don’t always have to stay the way they are.” While there can be long-standing differences, she said, knowing how to navigate the situation differently can help lay the foundation for a healthier and stronger relationship over time.